Right, so recently I started reading a book called 'Why men want sex and women need love" by Allan & Barbara Pease
. So far most of what they say (the more interesting parts at least) seem true to me. So I would recommend anyone to get it and read it. It is a really good book - it brings out the truth about relationships in a way that you can really understand and relate to, with a good amount of humour inserted as well. I haven't really completed the book yet, but it really got me thinking about relationships in general and I decided to express some of my thoughts about it here. Note that some part of the discussion is from the book (in Italic) but mostly it would be my opinions and that doesn't really reflect what the book is about. So don't get turned off from reading the book if you don't agree with what I'm saying.
One part of the book mentions that men are more of the visual type of person. They tend to see judge women based of what they see. While women judge men based on what they can recall about them.
I absolutely agree with the book. I mean, I'm a guy and for me it's all about the visual part that really brings out the attraction in a woman. Yes, there is the whole part where being able to have a good conversation and connect, but the first attraction really comes from the visual department. For me, when I do see a hot pretty girl across the room, from what I see - if I do like what I see, I can pass judgment already on whether I would be in a relationship with her. Does this sound familiar? Love at first sight perhaps? For men, sight is mostly what drives the first attraction.
See anything you like? Haha these pictures are just to prove my point (or for my viewing pleasure). Now moving on to women. And no, I won't be putting any pictures of hot topless guys. You girls probably have a tonne of those stored in your hard drive or are being hung as posters on the walls.
A woman would recall things then pass judgment on whether she would be in a relationship with a guy. Many questions would be asked in her head:
"What did he say? What did he do? How did he look like? How did I feel when he said/did those things? "
She would go through a much more complex process of thought as compared to a guy.
He would just ask...
"Is she hot/pretty? Is she both hot and pretty? Nice... hehe"
So there you have it, two different ways of thinking before getting into a relationship. But that's understandable right? because men and women are definitely very different in the first place. Yes that's true but then a 'problem' arises from the difference.
When a girl and a guy gets together. A relationship blossoms and they're both really happy. Good. But at the start of the relationship we have to take into account two things.
- He just saw her. Thought she was hot. And so he would get into a relationship with her.
- She recalled many things about him before getting into that relationship. Meaning there must have been enough interactions for her to recall that many things. Also, she really gave it a good thought on his personality, behavior and other aspect before committing. So not only did she gave it some time before committing, she thought it out thoroughly as well.
So the relationship starts, then the problem arises. The guy, who only got together based on what he saw, start to get to know the girl better and finds out more about the girl. But then he realizes that he can't really stand her personality, habit or other areas that he didn't really know about prior to the relationship. Hence, he ends the relationship. The girl is left there, feeling hurt wondering what went wrong. Her feelings really get hurt because she really put in a lot of effort into making sure this was the right guy before committing to him. Then he leaves her for no real reason (or if he's honest enough, because he doesn't really like her habits/personality).
And this scenario has happened often. So often that many girls have the mentality that guys are jerks in relationships. And they spread it to other girls as well. So that's the problem. Now I'm not offering an explanation to why some guys are jerks. Though I must admit that it would be convenient for a Player to say that the reason he's hopping around so many girls (and breaking their hearts) is because he's genetically structured that way. I'm just opening up the fact that there are different views between men and women and a possible scenario that it may cause.
But I must say that this scenario is getting less frequent around me. Perhaps it is because of the culture here or because the people at my age tends to start settling down. Either way, it's good to see less people getting hurt from relationships.
PS - I would be making this a sort of series as I feel I have loads of thoughts as I read through the book. And also to address the issue in the previous few posts, I still do not know how guys can pretend to have an orgasm especially in an oral sex scenarios. Perhaps they have a packet of mayonnaise ready as a substitute? I really don't know...